Dusan Diarys

As the song goes, I left my heart in San Francisco. Well my heart is sailing somewhere around the Caribbean at present. This is the longest period I have not spoken to Dusan since July. Feels kind of weird and I am helpless to contact him by any means other than Email. In a world where we are hooked to our cell phones its weird that he doesnt have one.

Still the trip away has meant that I have been less depressed than I was back home and with the coming of my Village Pride I am hosting this Saturday (2nd December), it should keep me busy and out of trouble for another week and then its the run up to Christmas. In January we will see each other again for another week. I simply cant wait.

I feel like a lost part, I cant seem to function properly without him. Why does it have to hurt so much being appart? I should be happy that his being so strong and doing this for his mother. The pain grows more each day, my heart aches more as time rolls by and slowly but surely its another step closer to us being together forever and for the rest of our lives. I just cant wait.... I want my fairy tale, and my handsome prince and I want him to hold and to touch and to hear and to taste. Is it too much to want the man of your dreams to be with you right now? Dusan Stojnovic, I love you so much, please come back soon. Im lost without you.

Had an email from Dusan today. His found out that as of tomorrow he will be disembarking the Imagination and will join the Glory for the remainder of his contract. He said that its the biggest ship in their fleet and he said he deffinitely wanted to move to a bigger ship. Im pleased that he got the move he wanted and hopefully he will be back sooner than April. I cant tell you how hard it is to be appart from him and it gets harder and harder by the day.

On Saturday, at Sams birthday I did break down into tears when someone was asking me about him. Its like I put on this huge front that everything is okay but down inside I am crying. I just want him back so much. I know he will be back within 5 months, just the cold nights and all the time of work is getting to me! If your reading this baby come back soon. I love and miss you.

You dont really notice how much we rely on communication in the 21st century until you have a moment where you have to go without it. Till the person you love or the friend you need to talk to is so far away that contract by telephone, email, text or Fax is not possible.

We are so used in our modern world of texting someone and getting a response immediately, being able to call someone 24 hours a day and getting through.

That is the hardest thing about Dusan being in the Caribbean. I cant text, I cant call. I can Email and wait till he has a chance to log on and thats it. I am powerless to contact him. Maybe its a good thing? Absense is making the heart grow stronger and all I know is the second that he returns I will do ANYTHING, everything in my power to treat him like the prince he is. To make him laugh every day, to make him smile with my every action and to make him have what I always wanted to have. A Happy Ever After. Do I want the fairytale? You bet I do? Why else would I have worked at Disney?

I seem to have too much time on my hand. All those months I have hardly had a day off work and the minute Dusan leaves it all goes quiet and I miss my baby more and more.

I've not heard from him since Monday so he must be busy with work, classes and passing his exams. So proud of him for all that his doing for his family but so in pain right now that his gone. Its a Month tomorrow since I saw him last. How slowly the clock ticks when you miss the soul that warms your heart.

After a good work out at the gym I got a phone call out of the blue this evening from Dusan. His been working hard on the cruise ship and been taking exams that will mean that he can earn double the money than he earnt last time. In his exam today he got 97%. He was in Miami today and bought a course of Hot Rox the fat burners I have been taking and lost almost 2 stone on so far. That was why I needed to get back to the gym. They have helped so much that I need to do some muscle gaining stuff now.

We talked for about 10 minutes as he was only on a quick break. I just love hearing from him and he calls a couple of times per week. Its what keeps me going. Just hearing from him.

He also said he doesnt care how well he does on the ship, they are getting six months and thats it and then he will be back and we will be together forever more. I'm sad his gone but excited about what the future holds. 4 Years strong in January and our love for each other grows by the day.

Come back soon honey. Miss & love you.

Neil x

I have another blog. My main blog has been going over a year. You can find it at www.vauxhallcowboy.blogspot.com

Its entitled Lucky Bitches and is all about the amazing things my friends and I get to do that really do make us Lucky Bitches.

Four years ago this coming January I met the most amazing Man. Dusan Stojnovic. It was literally love at first site though I had a boyfriend at the time and we have been together, ish, ever since. I say ish cos after five years of him living in the UK when the EU expanded in 2004 they refused to renew the visas of many people that were non EU. My lover of several years were made to leave and return to their home land.

Is it really fair that we should be separated based on where he was born? No. Is it fair that we cant be together?

This year, despite the fact his not been able to live in the uk for the past 19 months, we are still together. He comes to visit me, I go and visit him. We will get married. I cant wait. I have loved him for four years and the love grows, not shrinks while his away.

Last week he left to go and do a six month contract on a cruise ship to get as much money together as he can. He wants to help his mother out and have some money here when he comes back.

These diarys will be my feelings and a log of everything I feel while he is gone.

Its actually 2 weeks today since he flew out. Its been the hardest 2 weeks of my life. When you have found the person you want to share the rest of your life with you want your life to begin as soon as possible. Sadly we have six months till he will return. When he does we will be together for the rest of our lives. I wanted to log the feelings, the passion, all of the things I feel about Dusan on a separate Blog. I dont want Lucky Bitches to get involved in the negative side of my feelings.

So Mills and Boon i t will be, Lucky bitches it will not be.

Enjoy and if you want to comment, please send me an email. Neil@vauxhallcowboy.com